Ibn e Masud said 'If I only had ten days to live and I knew that I would die at the end of them, and I had any desire to get married, I would get married, for fear of fitnah (temptation)'.
I've been taught that way. The extremely modest and pure feeling of love was mixed with the dirty lust. The innocent cartoons I watched, the poems I read in my syllabus books, the novels I read, the stories I heard from the society around and the actions of my classmates all watered the seed of confusion. Like everyone else, my innate 'rule book' would tell me that there's something 'bad' in what the most of the society was doing. Like many others, I decided not to get close to anyone from the opposite sex, and of course marriage was out of question. Then came the time of temptation, I would get frustrated at times for no reason. Something inside me started troubling me. It's a long story how I managed the beast inside me and made friends with my soul. Then I was in a position to discriminate the wrong from the right. Soon it was clear to me how love is one of the most beautiful things created by Allah. I discovered that philosophy behind marriage and found it a beautiful spiritual bond, and found lust just an 'attractive force' to keep the bond strong and of course a source of continuation of the specie.
I was made to listen to incidents when people married the person they willed, and I was made to feel that was the most grievous sin one could commit. The enormous financial pre requisites of marriage made me feel that it is like an economical contract that would be way beyond my reach until I find a good solid job. I felt that the real enemies of the marriage contract were the relatives, who would look for the smallest fault in the bride or the groom or in their families. It was about time that I realized that marriage is a contract which can not be established without the consent of both parties. So, of course marriage is dependent on liking of those signing the contract. I realized that marriage has no 'real' financial prerequisites; it would make me financially strong rather than burden me. I learnt that what matters is the consent of my future spouse and her guardian, and getting the application signed from all the relatives wasn't really required.
I've never had that much trouble lowering my gaze, by Allah's grace. The eye catching scenes for others seemed to be dirt and filth to me. Yes, the very sight of angels in Hijaab seemed very beautiful to me. Marriage seemed so easy. When the time would come Mama would find some Hijaabi for me. I guess there's a limit to everything. I've got college mates, who have 'aims' that wander around girls. I see girls, who are dressed up, as if they were decoration pieces, intended to soothe others eyes (that's a first glance analysis). It's not hard to make up how much 'make up' one has done. I would go to the market, looking down to avoid the possible immodest intruders. On the other hand, my fellows would miss no single shot. The sign boards, the TV advertisements, the internet pop-ups all would ruin the peace of mind. You're getting confused, right? I'm myself mixing the lust with love, isn't it?
It's high time I married to save my concepts, religion, spirituality and peace of mind. Last but not the least, its high time I married out of love, rather than becoming one of the confused lot, who have bogus love and sincere lust. Love is the answer to many of our entangled questions. Early Marriage is the solution to many of our society problems. Be Real Man! These things happen in dreams only. How would you support a wife at this age? I've done my home work and I have my combat kit with me to answer the tricky questions. I'm sure my father cares about my religion and my world. I am the most modest person alive in the eyes of my mother. Come on Mom, won't you help me save the half of my religion. Father! I have no doubt; you are the best father alive. You've given me all the support I needed for education. I need your help to fulfill one Sunnah, won't you help me? The confident reply from the opposite side would be, 'What if your family is not rich?' I guess I'm not fetching a princess who'll demand a palace from me. Neither does the marriage contract involve the promise of Luxury and Lexus. I know the best person ever (Prophet Muhammad) married a woman to a man who didn't have a single penny for the dowry. My Allah has promised me in the Quran 'he will give me means out of his grace even If I'm poor'. Awais! I always thought you were a strong man. Who told you strong men don't marry? I wish to increase my strength. I'm pretty sure I'm not stronger than Ibn e Masud who said 'If I only had ten days to live and I knew that I would die at the end of them, and I had any desire to get married, I would get married, for fear of fitnah (temptation)'. Well! Guess you're too smart, but who has guaranteed you modesty after marriage. My lord has guaranteed me that. My Prophet told me that Allah's help is bound to be with me if I marry in order to remain chaste.
I won the battle yesterday. The very next day, Mr. Satan is here. The way he tries to stop me from this 'evil' act (that's what he thinks), is pretty much a proof of how virtuous it is. Why do you try to sacrifice always? You are encouraged to marry early, but it's no way a compulsion. Its not must for me to get married right now, yeah, why I should face all the trouble. Sayyidina Umer comes to my rescue and ofcourse Mr. Satan has no reply to Sayyidina Umer. I remember the words he said to a man, who was not getting married: "Nothing is keeping you from getting married except either impotence or immorality." Those who seek the path of morality and spirituality, marry early, that's opposite to the way we commonly think. Prophet Muhammad did marry and he said, "Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me".
Well, that doesn't seem practical to you, right? I guess there shouldn't be any extreme difficulty in the Nikah-only solution. She can come and live with me afterward. When I'm into my job and she's free from her education. At least I can walk proudly amongst my shameless friends who are proud to have society butterflies: I have an 'official' partner now. At least it will help me end the fantasies business. And I can wait for the day when she'd help me out in the time of difficulties, like Hazrat Khadija helped Prophet Muhammad. I can wait for the time to say ' Zawjati! Anti Habeebati Anti'. I can wait for the time to drink from the same side of the glass from where she did. I can wait for the time when I'll sprinkle water on her to wake her up for Qiyam ul Lail.
I've sought economy, peace, love and religion in the marriage contract, the way Allah told me. I'm pretty sure this solution applies to all the Mujahideen of Nafs and Mujahideen of Lust. Oh Allah! Choose for me the most beautiful soul and make this task easy for me.
To add more strength to what I said, here are the actual texts and references.
Marry the Singles: A divine order
وَأَنْكِحُوا الْأَيَامَىٰ مِنْكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ ۚ إِنْ يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِنْ فَضْلِهِ ۗ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌMarry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among yourselves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His grace: for Allah encompasseth all, and he knoweth all things.
(Surah Al Nur 24:32)
وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ مِنْكُمْ طَوْلًا أَنْ يَنْكِحَ الْمُحْصَنَاتِ الْمُؤْمِنَاتِ فَمِنْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ مِنْ فَتَيَاتِكُمُ الْمُؤْمِنَاتِ ۚ وَاللَّهُ أَعْلَمُ بِإِيمَانِكُمْ ۚ بَعْضُكُمْ مِنْ بَعْضٍ ۚ فَانْكِحُوهُنَّ بِإِذْنِ أَهْلِهِنَّ وَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ ۚ فَإِذَا أُحْصِنَّ فَإِنْ أَتَيْنَ بِفَاحِشَةٍ فَعَلَيْهِنَّ نِصْفُ مَا عَلَى الْمُحْصَنَاتِ مِنَ الْعَذَابِ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ لِمَنْ خَشِيَ الْعَنَتَ مِنْكُمْ ۚ وَأَنْ تَصْبِرُوا خَيْرٌ لَكُمْ ۗ وَاللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَحِيمٌAnd whoever among you has not within his power ampleness of means to marry free believing women, then (he may marry) of those whom your right hands possess from among your believing maidens; and Allah knows best your faith: you are (sprung) the one from the other; so marry them with the permission of their masters, and give them their dowries justly, they being chaste, not fornicating, nor receiving paramours; and when they are taken in marriage, then if they are guilty of indecency, they shall suffer half the punishment which is (inflicted) upon free women. This is for him among you who fears falling into evil; and that you abstain is better for you, and Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.
(Surah Al Nisa 4:25)
The Prophetic Remedy
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) once said to us, 'O young people! Whoever among you is able to marry, should marry, and whoever is not able to marry, is recommended to fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.
(Sahih Bukhari, Book of Marriage)
The importance of Marriage in eyes of Ibn e Masud RA
Ibn Mas'ood (may Allah be pleased with him) said: If I only had ten days to live and I knew that I would die at the end of them, and I had any desire to get married, I would get married, for fear of fitnah (temptation).
The importance of Marriage in eyes of Umar bin Khattab RA
'Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allah be pleased with him) said to a man who had not got married: "Nothing is keeping you from getting married except either impotence or immorality."
Marriage: The Prophet's Sunnah
It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allah be pleased with him) said: Three people came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) asking about the worship of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). When they were told, it was as if they regarded it as too little. They said: Who are we in comparison to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)? Allah has forgiven his past and future sins. One of them said: As for me, I will pray all night forever. Another said: I shall fast all my life and never break my fast. Another said: I shall keep away from women and never get married. The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and said: "Are you the ones who said such and such? By Allah, I am the one who fears Allah the most among you and I am the most pious, but I fast and I break my fast, I pray and I sleep, and I marry women. Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me."
(Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)
Allah's help is the one who strives to be chaste
It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "There are three whom Allah is bound to help: the mujaahid who strives (in jihad) for the sake of Allah, the mukaatib (a slave who has made a contract of manumission with his master) who wants to pay off his manumission, and a man who gets married, seeking to remain chaste."
(Jami Tirmidhi, classed as hasan by al-Albaani)
Half of religion
It was narrated from Anas ibn Maalik (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Whomever Allaah has blessed with a righteous wife, He has helped him with half of his religion, so let him fear Allaah with regard to the other half.
Narrated by al-Haakim in al-Mustadrak (2/175), al-Tabaraani in al-Awsat (1/294) and al-Bayhaqi in Shu'ab al-Eemaan (4/382). Al-Haakim said: This is a hadeeth with a saheeh isnaad, although they (al-Bukhaari and Muslim) did not narrate it. Al-Dhahabi said in al-Talkhees: it is saheeh. It was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb (2/192).
The biggest test
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "I have not left behind me any fitnah more harmful to men than women."
(Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)
Peace in marriage
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect"
(Surah Al Room 30:21)
Choice in Marriage
Ibn Abbas (May Allah be pleased with him) narrated that: "A man came to the Prophet saying: 'O Messenger of Allah, I am in charge of an orphan girl, two men proposed to marry her; one is rich the other is poor, we like the rich whereas she likes the poor.' Thereupon the Prophet said: 'We don't see any thing for two people in love better than getting married.'"
(Tabarani, and also in Sunan Ibn e Majah (only the last statement), classified as Sahih by al- Albani)
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "The world is but provisions and the best provision of this world is a righteous women"
(Sahih Muslim and Sunan Nasai)
How to avoid fitnah
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said , "If there comes to you one with whose religion and attitude you are satisfied, then give your daughter to him in marriage, for if you do not do so, fitnah and mischief will become widespread on earth."
(Jami Tirmidhi, 2/274, Ibn Majah, 1/633, Classified as Sahih by al-Albani)
How to choose a spouse
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said , "A woman is married for four reasons, for her religion, her property, her status, her beauty, so you should choose one with religion."
Financial requirements of Marriage
Narrated Sahl bin Sad: A woman came to Allah's Apostle (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and said, "I present myself (to you) (for marriage). She stayed for a long while, then a man said, "If you are not in need of her then marry her to me." The Prophet said, "Have you got anything m order to pay her Mahr?" He said, "I have nothing with me except my Izar (waist sheet)." The Prophet said, "If you give her your Izar, you will have no Izar to wear, (so go) and search for something. He said, "I could not find anything." The Prophet said, "Try (to find something), even if it were an iron ring But he was not able to find (even that) The Prophet (peace be upon him) said (to him),"Do you memorize something of the Qur'an?" "Yes. ' he said, "Such Sura and such Sura," naming those Suras The Prophet said, "We have married her to you for what you know of the Quran (by heart)."
(Sahih Bukhari, Book of Marriage)
Celibacy is Prohibited
It was narrated from Aishah (May Allah be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) forbade Celibacy.
(Sunan Al Nasai, The Book of Marriage, Classified as Sahih by Allama Albani)
Marrying the one of your age
It was narrated from Abdullah bin Buraidah that his father said: "Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) and 'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) may Allah be pleased with them, proposed marriage to Fatimah but the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: 'She is young'. Then Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) proposed marriage to her and he married her to him.
(Sunan Al Nasai, The Book of Marriage, Classified as Sahih By al-Albani and Imam Nasai has named the chapter as 'A Woman Marrying Someone who is similar in age to her')
It was narrated that Jabir said: "The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) met me and said: 'O Jabir (may Allah be pleased with him), have you got married to a woman since I last saw you?' I said :'Yes, O Messenger of Allah.' He said: 'To a virgin or to a previously married woman.' He said : 'Why not a virgin, so she could play with you?' "
(Sunan Al Nasai, The Book of Marriage, Classified as Sahih by al-Albani)
Marrying the Loving
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: '…Marry the one who is fertile (wulood) and loving (wudood)'
(Sunan Al Nasai, The Book of Marriage, Classified as Sahih by al-Albani)
Can a woman propose
Thabit Al-Bunaini said: "I was with Anas bin Malik (may Allah be pleased with him), and a daughter of his was with him. He said: 'A woman came to the Messenger of Allah and offered herself in marriage to him. She said: O messenger of Allah, do you want to marry me?"
(Sahih Bukhari , Sunan Al Nasai)
Sprinkling water for Qiyam ul Lail
Narrated Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him): The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: May Allah have mercy on a man who gets up at night and prays, and awakens his wife; if she refuses, he should sprinkle water on her face. May Allah have mercy on a woman who gets up at night and prays, and awakens her husband; if he refuses, she would sprinkle water on his face.
(Sunan Abu Dawud, The Book of Salah)
The Real Wealth that strengthens your faith
Sayyidina Thawban (may Allah be pleased with him): reported about the verse; "And there are those who bury gold and silver and spend it not in the way of Allah: announce unto them a most grievous penalty."(9:34) when it was revealed, they were with Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) in one of the travels. Some of the Sahaba said, "This is revealed concerning gold and silver. If we were to know what property is good then we would take it." So the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, "The best of it is a tongue that remembers Allah, a heart that is grateful, a believing wife who helps husband in his faith."
(Jami Tirmidhi, Book of Exegesis of Al Quran, Classified as Sahih by al-Albani)
Can one be forced to marry a particular person
It was narrated from Ibn e Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him): that a virgin came to the Prophet and told him that her father had arranged a marriage that she did not like, and the Prophet gave her the choice.
(Sunan Ibn e Majah, The chapters on Marriage, Classified as Sahih by al-Albani)
Sayyidina Ali ibn Abu Talib (RA) reported that Allah's Messenger (SAW) said to him, "Three things you should not postpone : the prayer when the hour for it arrives, the funeral when it is ready, and (the marriage of) an unmarried woman when you find a suitable match for her."
(Jami Tirmidhi and Mishkat, Classified as Daeef by al-Albani but Saheeh by Haakim in Mustadrak, its meaning is supported from other Ahadith)
Value piety and character and don't value money
Sayyidina Abu Hatim Muzani narrated: Allah's Messenger (SAW) said, "When a man with whose religion and character you are satisfied comes to you, marry him. Unless you do it, there would be mischief on earth, and corruption". They asked, "0 Messenger of Allah (SAW) even though he has nothing?" He reported, "When comes to you one with whose religion and character you are pleased, marry him". He repeated these words three times.
(Jami Tirmidhi, Classified as Hasan by al-Albani)
Author : Mohammad Awais Tahir
The author may or may not have the same views on the topic and would not like to be quoted on what has been said above. The author, however, deems nothing wrong with changing opinions, hence, he does not wish to amend/remove posts that do not resonate with his current thinking.
“Those who never retract their opinions love themselves more than they love truth.”
Please see : http://exploringpsyche.com/one-grand-retraction/
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